I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
this just has baby written all over it
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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