you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
