my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
