just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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