Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
