we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
