He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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