Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
