You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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