I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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