He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
