We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
