Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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