I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
