he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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