You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
