I just threw up on my dentist
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
