Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
