Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
