I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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