Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
