Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize