I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize