Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
