We're like a lot better than the average bears
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
