my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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