so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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