only you would photoshop your dick
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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