I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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