i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
