she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
