if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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