yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
