is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
