Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
