I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
