you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
