who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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