Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
