There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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