she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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