absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
