I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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