Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
