Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
