you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
In other news, I just burned my penis
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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