how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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