My sheets look like a crime scene.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
