I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
