just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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