Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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