Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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