I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
