I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's never too late to be topless.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
