i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
