closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
