Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
