The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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