I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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