remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
