i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
