It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
