So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
