never play flip cup with pint glasses
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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