Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
