True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My vagina just recognized that song.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How naked do you want me to be?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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