He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
