My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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