So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The Olympian is in my bed
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize