GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
