Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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