just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
