so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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