forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
