Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
