Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
