I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
