I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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