Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
