wrigley field is MILF paradise
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
